Control the Uncontrollable - Influence what you can, leave what you can not.

Control the Uncontrollable
Influence what you can, leave what you can not.

Often I get asked ‘ I’m in this situation, I can’t change it or at least for now I can’t. So what can I do, how can I feel different about it?’ ‘How can I control this?’

A few years back and also more recently many planes were grounded for a few days due to the volcanic ash clouds over Europe. Over these few days thousands of people from over the world had their plans completely derailed. Holidays, meetings, reunions were disrupted or cancelled and people were understandably anxious, sad, stressed or angry about the events and what it meant for them and others.

In such a situations, what is within your control? As frustrating as it is, as stressed as you feel about the consequences of not getting to your destination, as sad as we feel about missing important events, there is often on occasions not a lot you can control. Such as the air safety organisations putting out a no-flying zone. A volcanic eruption and an ash cloud from Iceland is totally beyond your control.

If this is something that is out of your control then what can you do about it and how can you feel different? If this was the situation, there are things you could do – such as contacting others and making arrangements for accommodation or alternative travel.

Or the other option could be to fight and struggle, get mad and upset and perhaps assign blame to the world or the scientists that should have known this was coming… or the inventors for not inventing planes that could fly through ash…. But in struggling you are just adding to an already difficult situation. Many times even though you would like to change the situation or make other people different or do something, all you can change is yourself – what you think, what it means to you and what is the meaning of it but, most importantly what actions you take within your own realm of influence.

If there some situations that are beyond your control - you can struggle and fight, or we can accept it as it is. Acceptance is not about judging it to be good or agreeing with it and its certainly not giving it permission to go on forever and not giving up on your options. It’s about leaving what you cannot control and freeing up that powerful and creative part of you that has the ability to make a difference within your own realm of influence. Who knows where it will take you?

All of us are faced with many difficult situations all the time. Situations that we find ourselves in, that we can have little control over – bereavements, losing a job, illness, being bullied by others, debt, relationship break-ups or other difficulties. Perhaps some can be situations that we have been partly responsible for bringing about, but have little control over now.

You can only influence those areas where you have some control. You cannot force things that are beyond your control, so take a step back and relieve yourself of this responsibility.

From zero control you can gain control. Maybe not over every event and not in the moment but upon reflection. In the morning of the event sure it can be distressing, frustrating stressful etc. however in the afternoon when the ash settles and you begin to reflect you can start to live from this place of personal influence and creativity and release yourself of needing to be perfect, fight against others or gain control over uncontrollable events and direct your attention into the things that you can influence. You can free yourself from an eternal struggle and move into the creative world of endless possibility.